The Little Addiction!

She sat there holding her head in her hands, the killer headache was blowing its trumpet to weird tunes today. No amount of coffee or tea was helping. The urge to blast someone off was too strong.  With the upcoming events and ceremonies keeping her on her toes, she had been having a tough time for past two three weeks. Somewhere inside her head, some nerve signals were egging her to take the phone, dial his number and talk to him. In spite of the splitting headache, she smiled.

 Its during such pressure mounting times she miss him more. He had been her balm for a long while. He won't be able to do anything for her issues but still will listen and say "sorry dude, you are in a mess and I don't think I can help" as if she didn't know that! Of course he can't help her because their professions were poles apart but still she used to tell him each and everything about her work and he used to listen most of the times. He was her stress buster, a listening ear, her buddy, her inspiration, her motivation, her.. No, don't go there...its closed chapter.

She closed her eyes tightly concentrating on the pain, willing it away. There are many things waiting for her attention. She cant afford to loose focus and be distracted. But truth be told, she missed him..badly! Not a day passes without thinking about him. Even a random thought would find a way to be associated with something insignificant, which he might mentioned long time back. She had thought that she had buried all the memories associated with him. She had stopped talking to mutual friends, even if she talks to them, she never mentions about him or asks about him. She doesn't check his FB nor check his old messages. In fact she had erased most of them.

She even gave herself a chance to love again only for it to be backfired. Well, "no more love stories for me", she decided, no this is not going to be like her usual decisions, this is a strong resolution, she kept on reminding herself. But how can she stop herself from smiling when she hears about others love stories? Like a stupid idiot, she used to enjoy when others narrate their love stories with a wistful longing in her heart.

Of course, to come out of her addiction of "him" she has decided to become a flirt. Well, not exactly, flirting is never her scene, she herself can feel that she is pathetic in such matters. The irony is that she is an excellent love Guru, passionate about love and life etc etc but in her own life she is a mess in the matters of heart! So much for crying out loud! Her thoughts on the reason for this failure is "Theory is easy, but making the theory a practical happening is difficult since it requires two people" Most of the time her false bravado gives her nervousness away and then the babbling and rambling starts finally she admits she doesn't know what she wants in life. All what she wants looks like an illusion now. Sigh!

Luckily the evening tea time samosa and tea has helped a bit to ease the headache. Get your lazy ass back to work - her brain ordered! no thundered! :-) Its the only way to avoid thinking about him...she don't need him, she reminded herself. Its hard to reign in desires and wishes but for successful and peaceful living somethings have to be let gone. Even though she is a heart person, and hates to admit it, truth is that you should listen to brain once in a while to avoid making yourself a fool.